I dont know why I had to urge to post this.But when I think clear or have these sudden moments of insight I feel it is better to write them down and not trust the single most intelligent entity on this planet.I want to narrate a little incident.It is not much,just very trivial,my reaction to which one would call melodramatic or excessively sentimental.Nevertheless I will continue to describe it,which was what I started writing these conglomeration of sentences.
I cried today.After a long time.And no,I am not a girl.It is a most wonderful feeling and contrary to what one may think not unmanly.They were not just little drops of salted water moistening my eyes and sticking to my eyelids as I buried my head in my hands.They were to me like a chink in the dam of months of restraint against nothing particular,against an unseen unheard of antagonist.Call it society,standards,life...
Life is discontinuous.It is not as we all would like to believe.It does not comply with casual offhand statements like ,"Martin,what are you going to do tomorrow?".While it is most releiving if Martin gives a ordinary/humorous answer to this multi-faceted question instead of a droning philosophical overture,there still remains the vaguely ethereal question to this question in Martin's mind,"Why do you presume that there IS a tomorrow?"
Life is discontinuous.Death is one discontinuity.Though purists would extend the discussion further ,"Why do you presume there is no life after death?".No,I would not like to go into discussions about things I have no idea about,things connected to the metaphysical,something no one has an idea about.I would stick to the hypothesis that we have a zero after death.Hence a discontinuity.If you have agreed to everything uptill now,you will shocked to know how latently confident you are about the continuity of the rest of your life.You would say,"I would get up tomorrow,brush my teeth,take a bath,have breakfast wth my kids,kiss my wife goodbye and go to office" or "I will get up at 12,have lunch and play quake",but you must understand about singularities.Single moments of revelation that can alter the realities of your existence in methods you would have never imagined.THAT my friend,is another discontinuity.Singular explosions of consciousness.It changes your life,your very mindsight into things.And so even that is a singularity.
Today was one such peak when I found myself upset because shiv got lashed at.Professors are no angels but this one is the devil himself when he turns his onetime soothing voice into an dangerous emotionally disturbing one,making you want to be swallowed by the earth when he disproves everything you have done until now.It made me realize how important dad and mom are to me.How important Grandpa and mamaiyya are to me.How important I am to myself and how harshly and self destructively I have been ignoring my own comforts.How important life is...
I am listening to One last breath(Creed)...
P.S:Take care of yourself.
Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down
I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down
Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me
Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking...