Image

There is a window.

When I started this post thats all i wanted to write.That there is an image of a window floating surreally in my head.But then,it would be blasphemous to leave such vividity undescribed.

There is a window.Embedded in a creamish cemented wall.It has a prominent black square enveloping it.It doesnt serve its purpose because it doesnt have a glass.This of course,could be a conclusion I come maybe because of my limited insight.Maybe it serves its purpose BECAUSE it doesnt have glass.Anyway there it is.The wall,the window,the infinite sea,the headrush of wind,dirt,the smell of sweat..images and sensations that slowly creep into my mind with every passing second filling voids,giving company to the lonely window.
Black eyed seagulls,rusted lighthouses,the smell of oil,that of withered wood,the scent of a sailors foresight,the orange horizon,a ball,the world,a book,10000 leagues of salted water,Sindbad. The precision of the sheer power of imagination.a mixture of unknown unheard of things in a single frame.A picture that not 10,000 poets could describe in 10,000 pages.And there is sound...
The sound of angry waves,the sound of lazy waves,the sound of solitude,the sound of soliliquoy,sound of silence,silent thought,orders,creaking of hulls,rain,the wind making love to the trees(the tempest wind and the graceful leaves),,roars of a faraway cloud,restless excitement.

I have this image in my head.I just can't get it out.And I could write a song ,a hundred miles long...

Now listening to Billy Joel (Goodnight Saigon)

We met as soulmates
On Parris Island
we left as inmates
from an asylum
and we were sharp
as sharp as knives
and we were so gung ho to lay down our lives.

we had no homefront
we had no soft soap
they sent us playboy
they gave us bob hope
we dug in deep
and shot on sight
and prayed to Jesus Christ with all of our might.

We had no cameras
to shoot the landscape
we passed the hash pipe
and played our Doors tapes
and it was dark..
so dark at night
and we held onto each other
like brother to brother
we promised our mothers we'd write

(chorus)
and we would all go down together
we said we'd all go down together
yes we would all go down together.

Singularity

I dont know why I had to urge to post this.But when I think clear or have these sudden moments of insight I feel it is better to write them down and not trust the single most intelligent entity on this planet.I want to narrate a little incident.It is not much,just very trivial,my reaction to which one would call melodramatic or excessively sentimental.Nevertheless I will continue to describe it,which was what I started writing these conglomeration of sentences.

I cried today.After a long time.And no,I am not a girl.It is a most wonderful feeling and contrary to what one may think not unmanly.They were not just little drops of salted water moistening my eyes and sticking to my eyelids as I buried my head in my hands.They were to me like a chink in the dam of months of restraint against nothing particular,against an unseen unheard of antagonist.Call it society,standards,life...

Life is discontinuous.It is not as we all would like to believe.It does not comply with casual offhand statements like ,"Martin,what are you going to do tomorrow?".While it is most releiving if Martin gives a ordinary/humorous answer to this multi-faceted question instead of a droning philosophical overture,there still remains the vaguely ethereal question to this question in Martin's mind,"Why do you presume that there IS a tomorrow?"

Life is discontinuous.Death is one discontinuity.Though purists would extend the discussion further ,"Why do you presume there is no life after death?".No,I would not like to go into discussions about things I have no idea about,things connected to the metaphysical,something no one has an idea about.I would stick to the hypothesis that we have a zero after death.Hence a discontinuity.If you have agreed to everything uptill now,you will shocked to know how latently confident you are about the continuity of the rest of your life.You would say,"I would get up tomorrow,brush my teeth,take a bath,have breakfast wth my kids,kiss my wife goodbye and go to office" or "I will get up at 12,have lunch and play quake",but you must understand about singularities.Single moments of revelation that can alter the realities of your existence in methods you would have never imagined.THAT my friend,is another discontinuity.Singular explosions of consciousness.It changes your life,your very mindsight into things.And so even that is a singularity.

Today was one such peak when I found myself upset because shiv got lashed at.Professors are no angels but this one is the devil himself when he turns his onetime soothing voice into an dangerous emotionally disturbing one,making you want to be swallowed by the earth when he disproves everything you have done until now.It made me realize how important dad and mom are to me.How important Grandpa and mamaiyya are to me.How important I am to myself and how harshly and self destructively I have been ignoring my own comforts.How important life is...

I am listening to One last breath(Creed)...

P.S:Take care of yourself.

Please come now I think I'm falling
I'm holding to all I think is safe
It seems I found the road to nowhere
And I'm trying to escape
I yelled back when I heard thunder
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

I'm looking down now that it's over
Reflecting on all of my mistakes
I thought I found the road to somewhere
Somewhere in His grace
I cried out heaven save me
But I'm down to one last breath
And with it let me say
Let me say

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking
That maybe six feet
Ain't so far down

Sad eyes follow me
But I still believe there's something left for me
So please come stay with me
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me
For you and me
For you and me

Hold me now
I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking...